Gonzo Marketing:Winning Through Worst Practices The Bombast Transcripts: Rants and Screeds of RageBoy
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Friday, October 12, 2007
An Inconvenient Sleuth
a dirge in two parts

Part 1

As you know, I don't usually comment on current events, preferring the relative safety of the 19th century. However, today's news has taken the fuckin cake. By now you've surely heard that Al Gore has won the Nobel Peace Prize. It's not enough that we've got psychopathic serial killers like George W. Bush and Dick "The Dick" Cheney running the world. No. Now the demonstrably useless Democrats have to chime in with their usual phantasmagoric bullshit. Here's hoping a supertanker overflowing with medical waste runs aground on both their Houses. Other than that, kudos to Al for hoodwinking the Swedes!

Gore shows Senate panel how large his bazongas will be after planned sex-change operation.

Part 2

Well <yawn>, it looks as if the CIA is investigating itself again. Not for the horrible stupid shit it is already so well known for. No. This time, the investigation is into how effective another CIA-internal investigation has been in surfacing how much new horrible stupid shit it has gotten itself into. Apparently the White House is uncomfortable with further approval-rating-eroding divulgements with respect to matters like... well... um... torture. It seems that suspected al Qaeda terrorists are being subjected to back-to-back screenings of An Inconvenient Truth. As if waterboarding weren't bad enough! Where will it end?

CIA Director Gen. Michael V. Hayden on being informed of the new study.

Even More Totally Unrelated

Thanks to noted cocksucker and all-around ideological turncoat Christopher Hitchens, the world at large now thinks THIS is the real RageBoy!

Jesus H. Christ. And after all the effort I've put into building my personal brand. For instance, do you have any idea how much I had to pay Kathy Sierra to go along with my plan to bag worldwide press coverage by savaging her online. She was naturally skeptical at first. But some well-timed reassurances and strategic handholding, plus a big sack of cash, soon brought her around to my way of seeing it. Still, it's not something I'd want to have to do every day. The wear and tear on my psyche alone was enough to convince me to try this play no more often than every two years or so. Then along comes Hitch with his faux "Rage Boy" and -- pfffft! -- it's all down the toilet.

So I've decided to fight back, in however small a way. I just found out that Google has started this thing it calls subscribed links. You can go read that if you want. I don't care. But here's how it works to reposition RageBoy in the limelight we all know he so richly deserves. You ready?

  1. First go here and SUBSCRIBE! (don't worry, no email is involved, trust me)
  2. Then go to Google and search for RageBoy.
Even an idiot could do that (am I right, Dude?). But after you do that, the thing to notice is the very first hit that comes up. At least it damn well should be.

Subscribed Link
Mystic Bourgeoisie
NewAge++ is all about the power of spiritual bling.
Fungible muy mojo gris-gris, babycakes. You in?

Despite what it says there, just forget about editing or deleting it. It's there to stay. Only I see that part, so buzz off and mind your own fucking business, OK? However, the brighter among you may find some use for this general mechanism to foment your own preferred forms of cultural chaos and antisocial anarchy. Good luck with that.

And Now the Most Important Bit

After much soul searching -- and many depressing visits to check the dwindling balance in my online bank account -- I have come up with a (slightly) new way for you to give me money. That's right, now you too can be personally part of it! Just imagine the stories you'll be able to tell your grandchildren! Or perhaps favored household pets. All you have to do is move your mouse over this grafik and push down on the thing that makes that little clicking noise.

What could be simpler? What were you going to do with the money anyway? Buy a new car? Blow it on that hot babe in accounting? Or that little weasel bunboy over in PR? C'mon! Forget all those material things for a second. Be in the NOW. Show your support for the realer-than-real hyperspiritual shit you only get from EGR. Yeah! That's what I'm talking about.

Thanks. Your cash means a lot to us.

2:55 PM | link |

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"RageBoy: Giving being fucking nuts a good name since 1985."
~D. Weinberger
28 October 2004

Chris Locke's photos More of Chris Locke's photos

Until a minute ago, I had no photos. I still have no photos to speak of. I don't even have a camera. But all these people were linking to "my photos." It was embarassing. It's still embarassing. But I'm used to that.

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